Whiskey Tango Foxtrot


"I reckon I'm as American as anyone from Tennessee"

Y’all may have noticed I haven’t posted in the past few weeks, and my absence has been due in part to vacation, and in part due to other considerations as well (read billable hours).

Accordingly, I am signing off for a while. Many thanks for your patronage over this last year and a half or so, and continued success to all of you.

-020033

For the coward pictured below.

About to rue the day

Today, the DPS released the security video of the arsonist who almost succeeded in burning the Governor’s Mansion to the ground.

Anyone with information about the possible identity of the person depicted in the video or picture above is urged to call investigators at:

512-506-2849,
512-506-2861,
512-506-2862, or
Crime at 800-252-8477.

Thx to the Austinist

Now that\'s zealous advocacyAnd now looking like a sane person

Covington & Burlington (former) partner David Remes submitted his letter of resignation this past Friday after making worldwide headlines (which generously noted his firm affiliation) for dropping his pants to reveal his stylish tighty-whities in Yemen–of all places.

Remes apparently pulled the disrobing stunt to somehow show mistreatment of prisoners at GitMo (the indefatigable “liar, liar, pants on fire” defense perhaps?), but may have just wound up mistreating every unfortunate soul who can never forget the sight of him in his underpants.

Thx to the WSJ Law Blog

Is that a shovel in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Is that a shovel in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Earlier this week, it took the Wisconsin Supreme Court 34 pages to explain that a corpse cannot consent to sexual intercourse. Even more amazing is that the High Court’s opinion reversed the decision of two lower Wisconsin courts … and was dissented from on the merits by two of the supreme court justices.

Incredibly, the grave-robbing defendants’ attorney commented that the majority opinion was–I’m not making this up–“dead wrong, as it makes the entire statute superfluous” (emphasis added). Indeed.

Thx to How Appealing and the Telegraph Herald

Early Sunday morning, some cowardly soul set fire to the Texas Governor’s Mansion. Completed almost one hundred and fifty-two years ago on June 14, 1856, the Governor’s Mansion is one of Texas’s most historic structures, having housed Sam Houston during his first term as Governor.

In the downstairs parlors:

where Texas’ first presidential visitor, William McKinley, was received in 1901, plaster could be seen cracked and broken. Smoke damage was heavy, and windows were broken and charred.

The dining room—where famed humorist Will Rogers once ate so much chili with Gov. Miriam Ferguson that he had no room for dessert — was blackened and still smoldering.

Because the mansion was currently undergoing an extensive renovation, thankfully “all of the furnishings and official items had been removed” including “the window casements.” Some these irreplaceable items include original and seminal Texas history works of art and Stephen F. Austin‘s writing desk.

I’m not a criminal lawyer, so I don’t know what the Penal Code provides as a sentence for arson, but I’m all in favor of upping it to life in prison in this instance—or even worse—permanent banishment from Texas. Whatever misguided and mangled soul set this fire, they’ve forever given up their right to enjoy life in our fair State.

unbelievable

unbelievable

unbelievable

Thx to the Austinist, the Statesman, BurkaBlog, and State Fire Marshal Paul Maldonado, who is leading the investigation and has promised that “[w]e’re going to come get the person responsible for causing this damage.” Amen brother.

You’d think that law firms–of all places–would be bastions of political correctness and equality, or at the very least, the last professional environment where one could expect to have the following things happen.

First, it was Paul Hastings‘ (known for its employment law practice) extreme lack of tact (or timing) in firing an associate six days after she suffered a miscarriage. Then the firm had the audacity to coerce her into signing a non-disclosure agreement in exchange for three month’s pay (which she rightly refused).

They are now reaping what they sowed.

D'oh

Now, a former associate of Bingham McCutchen is suing her former firm for failing to take action after she reported being drugged with tegretol (an anti-seizure medication that causes memory loss when taken with alcohol) at a firm holiday party.

Wouldn’t most folks assume that a LAW FIRM would be proactive if not aggressive in trying to get to the bottom of such criminal and damaging behavior?

Apparently not.

* * * UPDATE * * *

Bingham has responded with its official side of the story.

Thx to Above the Law

How much money does it take to start a record label? A lot I’m sure. But $360 billion?

Suuuuuure

That was the excuse given by a Fort Worth man who tried to cash a check made out for $360,000,000,000.00. He quickly lowered his monetary sights (by about 96 million times), however, posting bail for $3,750.00.

Thx to Above the Law, the FW Star-Telegram, and MSNBC

Nothing good happens after curfew

The N.Y. Post opened its story this weekend about the arrest of a CNN reporter after hours in Central Park this way:

CNN personality Richard Quest was busted in Central Park early yesterday with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot.

Wow. Hard not to want to read on after that opening salvo.

The story concluded with this paragraph recounting why Quest turned down an offer once upon a time to work for the friendly folks at Al Jazeera:

He was reportedly once offered a position for the English-language version of the controversial Al Jazeera network, but said he turned it down because being gay and Jewish, he didn’t think it would be a good fit.

Yeah, I’ve heard that about Al Jazeera; they’re not the most inclusive bunch of newshounds out there. Good call.

Thx to the N.Y. Post

Not a member of MENSANot either

Criminal minds

Just when you thought the Adam “Bulletproof” Reposa saga couldn’t get any more convoluted and strange, it does.

Turns out that Reposa’s former law partner, Bruce Garrison–who I assumed severed ties with Reposa after Reposa was sentenced to ninety days in jail for contempt of court–may have been given the boot by Reposa instead.

Back in November of ’07, Garrison was charged with six felony counts of tampering with a government record and forgery relating to his alleged forging of several local judges’ signatures on bonds. Now, the best part, one of the judges whose signature Garrison forged was none other Benchslapper in Chief nominee Jan Breland.

That’s right, the same judge before whom Garrison’s former law partner later demonstrated the hand sign for “contempt of court.”

Small wonder she had little patience for Reposa’s antics in light of his former law partner’s demonstrated disregard for Judge Breland’s office. What is more, just days after Garrison was indicted for creatively obtaining judicial orders, he was indicted again for possessing marijuana, and possessing with the intent to deliver a controlled substance.

Apparently the two sets of indictments are related as described by one of the other judges whose signature Garrison forged:

Signing a judge’s name wouldn’t slow a drug addict down a bit[,] … [w]hen you have problems such as Mr. Garrison’s, you need money, and when you’re desperate for money, you’ll steal from your parents, you’ll steal from your friends, you’ll forge judge’s signatures on bonds.

Garrison’s illicit activities have resulted in the indefinite suspension of his law license by the Texas Bar. So, while it is still unclear how the two parted company, it is hard to fathom two lawyers more aptly suited to practice together.

Thx to Awesomeness for Awesome’s Sake, Tex Parte Blog, and KXAN

Not only that, how did U.T. Law ever admit–much less allow to graduate–this buffoon? The depth and breadth of Adam “Bulletproof” Reposa‘s idiocy is even greater than I feared.

* * * WARNING–NSFW language * * *

Can’t imagine why his former law partner, being “directed” by Reposa above, would have jumped at the chance to wind down the partnership once “jailbait” Reposa was thrown in the hoosegow.

Even more disturbing is a piece of evidence introduced at Reposa’s recent trial on contempt charges for making onanistic hand gestures in court. At the hearing, Assistant D.A. Randy Leavitt introduced a copy of a newspaper ad Professor Reposa actually ran here in Austin, entitled DWI Stud, which depicts him having sex with a woman dressed like a police officer and reads:

Check out Austin’s hottest DWI TAPES from cases where people were found NOT GUILTY. There are lots of DWI LAWYERS in town, but how many TAPES do they have? Who can put it down in the courtroom, and make them take it like he wants? BULLETPROOF, THE DWI STUD That’s who…You’d be a fool not to check out this man’s body of work. Watch him perform and then, you decide who you want.

If anyone had any question why his ninety-day sentence was more draconian than some might have expected, look no further than that ad.

Thx to Lowering the Bar and Awesomeness for Awesome’s Sake

Ouch

Behold the sheer idiocy that is the bureaucracy. Some poor woman taking the short flight from the dusty plains of Lubbock to the vapid refuge of Dallas was forced by Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) screeners to remove two nipple piercings with pliers before she was allowed to board.

W, w, w, what?

What possible security risk could piercings–no matter how ill-advisedly placed–pose to a domestic U.S. flight? The answer is, “none,” as evidenced by the TSA’s allowing this woman to board the flight with her navel ring still intact. The TSA issued this statement in its [lame] defense:

Our security officers are well-trained to screen individuals with body piercings in sensitive areas with dignity and respect while ensuring a high level of security.

Really? Where did that “dignity and respect” come in exactly in this case? When the TSA screener refused the woman’s offer to display her piercings to a female officer in private to resolve the matter, when the TSA agents handed her a pair of friggin’ pliers to rip out her piercings before being allowed to board the thirty minute, well-known terrorist target that is the commuter flight between Lubbock and Dallas, or when she heard snickering from the male TSA officers as she cried in pain while struggling to remover her piercings with an implement you use to fix barb-wire fence?

Well, this woman has apparently now hired Gloria Allred, who can always be counted on to garner enough press coverage to make life very uncomfortable for the TSA, both in and out of the courtroom.


Thx to
HotAir and ABC News

Two days ago, the AP had to issue this retraction to clarify that the earlier story it had reported regarding Paris Hilton’s admirable efforts to help solve the crisis of Indian “binge-drinking elephants” (is there, really, any other kind of elephant?), was–believable as this story sounded–false.

Burp

Thx to the fact-checking squadron at the AP, and of course, to binge-drinking elephants everywhere

Watch out all you swinging folks out there, tomorrow is apparently Conception Day (at least in Russia, where it’s been creepily timed so that every child conceived tomorrow will be born on Russia’s Constitution Day).

Hey baby

Thx to Breitbart

In a valiant effort to combat global warming on Saturday, hundreds of deranged swiss people posed naked on a “shrinking” glacier.

Brrrrrrrr

Further proof that being insane does not necessarily prevent one from making fine cheese and chocolate, or excelling at banking.

Thx to Westlaw/Reuters

In response to an employee question about which qualities ESPN Senior Vice President and General Manager John Skipper thought a leader should possess, Skipper replied:

For guidance, please review the Leadership Competencies in Performance Connection on the intranet for information on what is expected of a leader. Another good source for guidance is your department’s HR generalist.

Skipper

Modern-day Office Space-ism at its finest.

Thx to Deadspin

Betty Williams, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1976 for creating a group that helped start peace talks in Northern Ireland, was in Dallas yesterday to deliver the keynote speech at—of all things—the International Women’s Peace Conference. During her speech, Ms. Williams—who won the Noble Peace Prize mind you—told a crowd of about 1,000 people that:

Right now, I could kill George Bush.

Realizing what an a$$ she had just made of herself, she quickly clarified:

No, I don’t mean that. How could you nonviolently kill somebody? I would love to be able to do that.

A Nobel Peace Prize laureate wishing she could kill someone (who just also happens to be the President of the United States), if only nonviolently. The sheer intellecutal heft of this woman would barely fill a teaspoon.

Thx to the Dallas Morning News

In a brazen (and stupid) attempt to get out of jury duty, a Massachusetts man wrote on the jury questionnaire that he didn’t like homosexuals and African-Americans.

booyah

When he was later questioned under oath about his questionnaire answers, he engaged in the following exchange with the presiding judge:

Curious Judge: “You say on your form that you’re not a fan of homosexuals.”

Idiot: “That I’m a racist. [And] I’m frequently found to be a liar, too. I can’t really help it.”

Annoyed Judge: “I’m sorry?”

Idiot: “I said I’m frequently found to be a liar.”

Angry Judge: “So, are you lying to me now?”

Jailbait: “Well, I don’t know. I might be.”

The presiding judge then promptly ordered the Cape Cod man taken into custody.

Thx to the presiding judge and CNN

Rep. Kucinich and some 48 others have co-sponsored a bill to create the Department of Peace and NonViolence. Really.

peace

Thx to GovTrack.us