Leave it to the Brits to presume to rank U.S. conservatives. That’s like us attempting to rank the top cricket teams or the top fish and chips eateries in lower London.

Well, common sense having never stopped the Brits before (see the American Revolution), the Telegraph staff in Washington–Toby Harnden, Alex Spillius, Tim Shipman, Amanda Halligan and Jessica Jerrell–took upon themselves to rank the “influence” of people whose beliefs are as foreign to them as the Magna Carta was to King John.

Much to the surprise of American conservatives, apparently the most influential conservative in the U.S. is not even a conservative at all: Mayor Guiliani. Our current President (also arguably not a conservative on many issues), graces the list at number 20.

The list also inexplicably ranks the so-called conservatives on SCOTUS (the concept of judicial conservatism being too subtle a distinction for the authors to grasp) with widely varying levels of “influence:” (1) Chief Roberts at number 8; (2) Justice Scalia at number 62; and (3) Justice Thomas at number 85. Apparently, the Telegraph reporters believe that one vote counts more than others on the Court, or that the Chief Justice automatically holds jurisprudential sway over his colleagues. And, what about Justices Kennedy and Alito? The influence of any of the so-called conservatives on SCOTUS can only be as powerful as their collective influence as a voting majority.

No thx to the Telegraph