Many of you are probably already familiar with the Anonymous Law Firm, but for those of you who aren’t–and even better if you practice law with people suspiciously similar to the lawyers described therein–you will agree with me that the Anonymous Law Firm is the most painfully hilarious site you’ve ever visited.

ALF

From the bio of a senior partner:

Hobbies/Interests
Breathing.

Best Experience at the Firm
“The firm’s been very good to me. I thought that once we were out from the under the rule of King George, it would all be downhill, but it’s been a terrific surprise.”

Advice to Law Students
“Keep your quills sharpened and your wigs clean. It’s important to make a good first impression.”

From a patent litigation partner:

Best Experience at the Firm
“I had one case which seemed completely unwinnable, my client had made a Silly Putty knockoff called Highly Toxic Putty, and some children had swallowed some, and suffered severe brain damage, but I was able to get the client off scot-free, so he could continue manufacturing the product, and others like Inky, a version of the Slinky that sprays the user’s with a permanent dye that causes cancer.”

From an associate in the New York office:

Hobbies/Interests
Squinting at his computer screen; feigning concentration when people walk by; arbitrarily flagging documents.

Family
Paralegal, Janet.

Best Experience at the Firm
“Highlighting the client’s name 300 times in a 75-page document, just for fun.”

Worst Experience at the Firm
“Finding out I used the wrong color highlighter.”

Advice to Law Students
“If you turn your computer so it faces away from the door, you can play solitaire all day.”

From a paralegal’s bio:

Practice Areas
• Stapling
• Filing
• Highlighting (as of August 2006)

From a “complex commercial” litigator:

Notable Experience
Ms. Smith practices in complex litigation including junk fax law, uncontested divorces, and debt collection. Most notably, she won a $1 million dollar judgment (unenforceable) against a notorious junk faxer based in Tijuana. Ms. Smith has been listed in every consecutive edition of El Mucho Muy Bien Albagado en Los EstadoUnidos. Her scholarly article entitled “Junk Fax Law: How to Track Down those Dirty Bastards” has been published in the Facultad de Derecho de la Universidad Nacional Autonoma de Mexico Law Review.

Thx to Jeremy Blachman

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