The penalty for three counts of assault with a deadly prequel is …

Carbonite freezing.

Thx to /film

 

What quantum of costumery is sufficient to register a trademark?

Mars, Inc., parent company of the M&Ms brand, posits that briefs, a cowboy hat and boots, and a guitar is not enough. Therefore, they argue, they can profit from their blatant appropriation of the likeness of the Times Square “Naked Cowboy.”

Riiiiight. Good luck with that defense.

Thx to Jossip and the NY Post

 

My state supreme court clerkship was going great until …

Is that a shovel in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Earlier this week, it took the Wisconsin Supreme Court 34 pages to explain that a corpse cannot consent to sexual intercourse. Even more amazing is that the High Court’s opinion reversed the decision of two lower Wisconsin courts … and was dissented from on the merits by two of the supreme court justices.

Incredibly, the grave-robbing defendants’ attorney commented that the majority opinion was–I’m not making this up–”dead wrong, as it makes the entire statute superfluous” (emphasis added). Indeed.

Thx to How Appealing and the Telegraph Herald

 

Western Civ. 101: Beeeeeer

It must indeed be the End Times when the erudite George Will finds himself agreeing with Homer Simpson: Beer is the root of western civilization.

So says King George in his op-ed in yesterday’s Washington Post:

No beer, no civilization …. The development of civilization depended on urbanization, which depended on beer.

Will credits his thesis to a recent tome by Steven Johnson entitled, “The Ghost Map: The Story of London’s Most Terrifying Epidemic—and How It Changed Science, Cities, and the Modern World.”

Speaking of Duff Beer, the South Lamar Alamo Drafthouse used to serve it (and it was surprisingly good as well), but not sure if they still do.

Thx to George Will and Volokh

 

A cross between Wade Boggs and Ron Jeremy

NY Yankees slugger Jason Giambi has a new look but I can’t decide whether he looks more like Wade Boggs or Ron Jeremy.

Either way, it’s a much better look than Giambi’s fellow teammate Johnny Damon used to rock.

Oh wait, that’s not Johnny Damon.

My mistake.

Thx to Deadspin

 

The Predator political machine

Little did I know twenty years ago when I first illicitly saw Predator that it was not just a classic action movie starring both the Terminator and Apollo Creed fighting an alien, but that it was also a veritable breeding-ground of future politicians.

Well, consider this. Not only have two of the cast gone on to be elected governor, now a third is considering a run for the Senate from Kentucky. Billy the tracker from Predator (Sonny Landham in real life) is gathering signatures so that he can challenge current Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell as an independant.

If he’s even half as tough in real life as he was in Predator, he’d have my vote.

Thx to Shenanigans

 

A political misstep so bad, you almost have to just “lay back and enjoy it”

How bad does one’s political blunder have to be to not only force the end of a previously promising gubernatorial bid, but to impact a presidential race almost two decades later? Very, very bad indeed.

Many here in Texas have distant and dusty memories of the West Texas oilcatter and Aggie, Clayton Williams, who ran unsuccessfully for governor against Ann Richards in 1990. His campaign was going fairly well until he started lobbing rape and drinking “jokes” against his opponent who had publicly acknowledged struggles with alcohol.

Perhaps almost as unforgivable as his tasteless broadsides against Governor Richards, Claytie also made headlines when he refused to shake her hand before a debate in Dallas.

Well, John McCain‘s army of vetting wizards apparently failed to uncover these obscure political nuggets in Claytie’s past when they scheduled a fundraiser for Senator McCain at Claytie’s house in Midland. Senator Obama‘s team was quick to point out Claytie’s unsavory past, and McCain rescheduled the fundraiser, but decided to keep the $300,000 or so already raised with Claytie’s assistance.

Thx to the Politico’s Jonathan Martin and Texas on the Potomac

 

Thither Laura Ingraham

Yesterday, former Justice Thomas clerk and hopefully-not-former syndicated radio host Laura Ingraham posted the following message on her website giving some insight into why she has been suddenly absent from the airwaves for the past week and a half:

NOTE TO LAURA LISTENERS

Due to contractual obligations, for the present time I am unable to reveal why I am not currently hosting The Laura Ingraham Show. Rest assured, this absence is not of my choosing, nor is it health or family related. I am ready, willing and eager to continue the conversation we started seven years ago about politics and the culture. (Heck, if cancer couldn’t keep me off the airwaves for long, nothing will.) Keep checking the site for a schedule of my appearances on the Fox News Channel. All queries regarding my on-air status should be directed to Talk Radio Network’s management at 541 474 2297 or send an email. Thanks for sticking with me, and…Power to the People!

Just breaking this afternoon, Laura will make her second foray into hosting her own cable news show. She was one of MSNBC‘s first hosts, headlining Watch It! which came on right after Imus. Beginning next week, she’ll host Just In during the 4pmCT timeslot on Fox.

Best of luck to her both with her new show and with her old one as well.

Thx to TV Newser

 

Whither Laura Ingraham?

We here at the SMSB are huge fans of former Justice Thomas clerk and current syndicated radio host, Laura Ingraham. So we are intrigued to read today that she might be leaving her hugely popular radio show, right at the height of its popularity.

Her absence from the airwaves this week coupled with her appearances on several Fox News shows makes it more likely her departure is related to a contractual dispute than a health concern. Plus, this eyebrow-raising email was sent by one of her producers over the weekend to a guest scheduled to be on the air Monday:

From: Tom Elliott
To: Donny Pauling, Craig Gross
Date: Sun, Jun 1, 2008 at 3:48 PM
Subject: Tomorrow

Hey, guys –

Bad news. We’re going to have to take a rain check on tomorrow’s segment. I’m unable to provide a lot of detail, but the short story is that Laura will not be hosting the Laura Ingraham show for the foreseeable future. This just developed over the weekend, so I apologize for the late notice. Could someone please contact Ron, or should I? Whatever’s easiest. (I don’t have an email address, and don’t really want to bother him on a Sunday.)

I do hope we’ll still be able to air this segment; it likely will just have to wait a little while.

Thanks,

Tom

Tom Elliott
Executive Producer
The Laura Ingraham Show

Thx to Radio Equalizer

 

Mmm, mmm, good

Yet another reason why it’s good to be alive in Austin, Texas.

I had just finished up with a project yesterday when I came across this post from the Austinist, touting the green chili pork taco from Torchy’s Tacos, pictured above. Well, I headed straight over to Torchy’s location off of Bouldin Creek on South First (which, by the way, is a gorgeous site situated underneath big swaying live oak trees just above the babbling Bouldin Creek).

I can vouch that the green chili pork taco tastes every bit as good as its picture looks. I also sampled the fried avacado taco, which was excellent as well. Can’t wait to go back to try the [R]epublican (of course), the Democrat, the Brushfire, and—horrible though the connotations its name engenders are–the Dirty Sanchez.

* * * UPDATE * * *

Today, I sampled both the [R]epublican (which is, of course, full of pork), and the Democrat. Much to my chagrin, I have to say the Democrat kicks the [R]epublican’s tail. The barbacoa is fantastic. And I just can’t bring myself to order the Dirty Sanchez: the imagery of its namesake is just too unappetizing.

Thx to the Austinist and Torchy’s Tacos

 

Viva San Antonio

One hundred and seventy-two years ago today, San Antonio officially became part of Texas when Alamo courier and future San Antonio mayor, Juan Seguín, accepted the Mexican surrender of San Antonio to the newly-independent Republic of Texas.

Thx to Texas on the Potomac

 

Like father, like son

Sixty-seven years ago today, Sam Houston‘s only surviving son–Andrew Jackson Houston–was sworn in to the U.S. Senate at the ripe old age of 87 to fill the vacancy left by the death of U.S. Senator Morris Sheppard.

Andrew’s father was sworn in as one of Texas’s first two senators almost one hundred years earlier.

Incidentally, General Houston’s colleague in the Senate was none other than the Republic’s first Chief Justice to actually preside over a session of the Texas Supreme Court: Thomas Jefferson Rusk. While Chief Rusk was, technically, Texas’s third Chief Justice, the first two Chiefs never actually convened a Court session during their eventful tenures (Texas’s first Chief Justice, James Collinsworth, committed suicide by jumping from a ship in Galveston Bay while on the ballot as a Republic presidential candidate). See James W. Paulsen, A Short History of the Supreme Court of the Republic of Texas, 65 TEX. L. REV. 237, 248-53 (1986).

While the father served in the Senate for some thirteen years from February 21, 1846, until March 4, 1859; the son’e tenure was fated to be much shorter, lasting only twenty-four days until he died on June 26, 1941.

Thx to Texas on the Potomac

 

The next time …

You hear Keith Olbermann go off on one of his unhinged tirades, keep in mind that the insanely-mustachioed Geraldo impersonator pictured above is the man you’re listening to.

Have to admit though, he and Dan Patrick were probably the best sportscasting team ever to hit the airwaves.

Thx to Deadspin and Flash Sports Tonight

 

My Sex in the City fanpost

I just came across a website that shares my sense of appreciation for at least one castmember of the distaff-tastic HBO show, Sex and the City. Putting taste and decency aside, I couldn’t resist bringing you some of its content.

From www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com:

Thx to Jossip

 

Only in Lubbock

It is rare that any happening in Lubbock makes the headlines over at How Appealing, but alas, Lubbock recently found itself featured therein thanks to something that could only happen in West Texas.

The Lubbock Avanlanche-Journal reported that a wild turkey (the real thing, not the libation) unsuccessfully attempted to enter the courthouse through an upper-floor window.

If there was any doubt as to the identity of the culprit, one had to look no further than the outline in the broken window pane for the authorities to make a positive identification. That, and the stunned turkey lurking in the bushes below.

Thx to How Appealing and the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal

 

A conspicuous public hanging

The National Portrait Gallery is our nation’s repository for its most famous portraits of its most revered citizens … and Stephen Colbert.

As the Capitol Crowd recounts, Colbert’s portrait arrived at its place of honor after:

Colbert trie[d] to convince the Smithsonian that he should be considered a national treasure. He attempt[ed] to donate his portrait to the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History, but the museum’s director suggest[ed] that perhaps Colbert should speak to the National Portrait Gallery.

By the way, the hallowed location at which Colbert’s portrait sits is between the public restrooms. However, his painted likeness has apparently doubled visitation at the National Portrait Gallery.

The only thing that could have possibly made his portrait even better is if he was painted while wearing his American armor, courtesy of an Austin artisan.

Thx to Capitol Crowd

 

Beware the teleprompter

Because it’s Friday afternoon, I am compelled to bring this “life imitating art” clip to you. Have to give it to Sir Charles, he was a good sport about it.

* * * WARNING: NSFW LANGUAGE * * *

And the art ….

Thx to HotAir and YouTube

 

Alamo Drafthouse goes national

Our own little brand of movie magic first started here in Austin in 1997 is all grown up.

A new franchisee is opening the first location outside of Texas in Winchester, Virginia, which is a college town about seventy-five miles from Washington D.C.

Alamo currently has seven locations in Texas, and plans to open two more theatres in San Antonio and McAllen, and up to thirty more locations in Florida, Georgia, Oklahoma and Arizona by 2010.

Thx to the Austin Business Journal

 

Seems plausible

How much money does it take to start a record label? A lot I’m sure. But $360 billion?

That was the excuse given by a Fort Worth man who tried to cash a check made out for $360,000,000,000.00. He quickly lowered his monetary sights (by about 96 million times), however, posting bail for $3,750.00.

Thx to Above the Law, the FW Star-Telegram, and MSNBC

 

Leave it to a Scotsman to make even the cynical Washington press corps laugh

Craig Ferguson turned out to be a hit at this year’s White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, poking fun at everyone, but tastefully so.

President Bush‘s speech was a retrospective of his past seven appearances at the dinner, some of which were pretty funny. My favorites were Laura Bush’s 2005 quip that “9:00 o’clock and Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep … and I’m watching Desperate Housewives,” and Bush’s 2001 assurance that he held no hard feelings against his brother, the then-Governor of Florida, for the Florida recount (see below).

Ferguson had some particularly good zings against the New York Times, who was very publicly absent from the soiree:

They thought this dinner undercut the credibility of the press, I thought Jason Blair and Judy Miller took care of that.

* * *

Shut the hell up NY Times you sanctimonius whining jerks!

Overheard at the party was Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid “I know Harry very well. He’s a good guy.” I’m sure the Senator heartily appreciated that vote of confidence.

* * * UPDATE * * *

After eating at White Castle and escaping from Guantanamo Bay, Kumar apparently attended the WHCA dinner as well.

Thx to Shenanigans, Fishbowl DC, and TV Newser